The whole spiritual search has lost its luster. After a while the enlightenment carrot starts to look like…well… a carrot, no different than any other carrot, the pursuit of another ideal in one form or another. Oneness chasing oneness is another case of conceptual bullshit. Utter and complete. Every attempt to experience oneness/enlightenment/liberation is a movement away from it and an investment in a false world of conceptual duality. It just doesn’t matter. Our western conditioned minds, raised on autonomy, the pursuit of happiness and platonic thought, divide body and soul into oppositional constructs, only to provide some arbitrary point of reference.
Today, while at work, I had a seizure. This one was accompanied by hours of disorientation, loss of words, heart fluctuations, dizziness and the typical emotional aftermath. Hours later, as I sat with the vulnerable uncertainty of life, I realized I am no longer interested in concepts. I don’t give a damn for the spirituality and matter debate. I couldn’t begin to care if there is “other” or if the whole show is the creation of a mind intent on separation. In the final hour does any of that matter? Does any of that offer peace in the quiet hours when you lay awake before dawn and all pretense of self is suspended? No. It’s all noise.
I breathe. I need air. I stand. I need gravity. I move. I need energy. I eat. I need all the life forms from which my food comes. This human body did not evolve in isolation, intellectual or otherwise. I need other as plant, animal, human and more. It is ludicrous to postulate about spirit AND form. It’s mental bullshit. It is all LIFE as ME, as YOU, as air, as earth, as cosmos, as seizure, as heart arrhythmia, as us, as whatever is here. Right now. In truth, we don’t know what is going on here; we only know that something is. That’s the best we can say with any measure of clarity and honesty.
Given THAT how do we meet THIS moment? Do we try to adapt it to fit some imagined version of how it should be? Do we try to manifest something else or employ some other resistance to THIS? Do we wonder how a more enlightened version of ourselves would handle it?
I sit, disoriented, dizzy and emotional, offering a tender yes to this, utterly awed by the unresolved, uncertain and unknown nature of life.
The whole liberation thing can by cleared up pretty simply:
This is it.
Love what is. Or don’t. Doesn’t make a lick of difference.
This is still it.
This is still it.